As a black woman, I sincerely concede that invading the personal space of women of color is a habitual issue. I would also like to acknowledge that the matters aforementioned happen to men and non-binary as well. From personal experience, I could not attempt to estimate the number of times I have been interrogated with the questions, "How did your hair grow so quickly," "Is that your real hair," and the most famous question, "Can I touch your hair?" Questions like those perpetually makes me remember the song "Don't Touch My Hair" by Solange Knowles, which if you haven't listened to it, I highly suggest it. The song itself captivates those feelings of Black people that have encountered individuals who do not consider learning what our hair means to us, let alone the pain that was inflicted on our ancestors because of it. From being required to wear scarves to cover their hair in hopes to diminish the disproportionate attention they received, to the hair discrimination they endured because it was deemed to be a characteristic that could be changed, my brothers and sisters have gone through it all to battle the societal default of Eurocentric features. For centuries, we have been obliged to hide our hair in so many different spaces because it makes others "uncomfortable" or is perceived as "unkempt," but I want to emphasize that we no longer have to do that. So if and when I do wear my natural hair, braids, or any other hairstyle, I should not feel like I have to shrivel into my shell because others do not understand it or care to understand it.
These questions are oftentimes overwhelming and I seldom have a possible clue on how to respond. Generally, it just makes me, and I'm certain several others that have experienced this, extremely uncomfortable and sometimes feeling dehumanized. Whether I wear my hair naturally or in box braids, I should never have to compromise my comfort or personal space to reply to these rather unusual inquiries about my hair. Not to be rude but I propose that if you have these questions, then educate yourself first. There are more than plenty of sources that educate and specify the history of natural hair for Black people, so please feel free to do so before you decide to invade our space.
I want to also emphasize that Black women, men, and non-binary folk should be able to go into workspaces, classrooms, offices, or even grocery stores, and strut with self-confidence when they wear their afros or braids without the dread of being assessed or interrogated. I believe it's okay for White colleagues as well as people of color, classmates, or friends to compliment us on our hair, but, of course, there are boundaries to this and these compliments should not be accompanied with irrelevant questions like whether it's mine or not. It's just plain cumbersome and ignorant.
In this sense, in any case, it doesn't matter if we have braids, a weave, cornrows, or natural hair, you do not touch our hair! Even suggesting if you can touch it is simply inappropriate. Those are the kind of questions you ask a pet owner, like, “Hey, your dog is so adorable. Can I pet him?” And nine times out of ten they would allow you to do so. But we aren’t animals, and we never have been! And come to think of it, if you have to rack up the nerve to ask then perhaps you shouldn’t. Once again, we are not animals!
If my prior statements are not enough to substantiate why these questions are inappropriate, let alone the reason why touching our hair is an invasion of privacy, then here are three additional reasons why you shouldn't attempt or think about touching our hair.
1. The Historical Context
For starters, if you ask to touch a Black woman's hair there is an involuntary obligation to say yes or you are driven into an awkward position. Due to the history of Black women being deemed as difficult or complicated, a lot of us let things slide so those connotations don't become attached to us. Yet, in this matter, if we say yes and allow people to touch our hair whenever they choose, then we feel like we're on public display. With the lingering history that birthed ideologies of the possessive ownership of the Black body, you would also recognize that it is inherently offensive. And considering the great number of Black women, men, children, and non-binary that have been on public display at zoos and tourist attractions during the late 1880s, only proves that we have constantly been ogled for the practice of public satisfaction. So before you ask a Black person if you can touch their hair, please take this into account.
2. Perpetuates Inequities
If you are a non-Black person reading this, then ask yourself how many times someone has asked you if they can touch your hair, and I can assure you that the number is reasonably low. In any space, if you are asking the only Black colleague or employee to touch their hair, without doing the same to your white counterparts, then you are perpetuating the inequitable treatment while feeding into the idea that white attributes are more conventional than that of a Black person. As a result, this can usually make Black people feel abnormal and out-of-place. This behavior also creates a divide within the environment and unknown tension as well. If you are so fascinated by the hair of a Black woman, man, or non-binary then simply ask if they would feel comfortable telling you about their hairstyle. Mind you, we as Black people are not obligated to educate you about our hair, but it is simply to ensure that our comfortability and space is not being compromised.
3. Sanitary Concerns
I highly encourage that you do not go around touching peoples' hair with unclean hands and I most definitely sense this is a major concern that many of us have. Now let me begin with a few facts! Research shows that 66% of Americans wash their hands after they go to the restroom and of that 97% fail, or rather neglect, to wash their hands correctly, according to the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA). Now envision people wanting to touch your hair, knowing what you know now. You wouldn't want someone with filthy hands touching your hair, now would you? Our hands can contain an abundance of germs, so with this, I plead that you respect our space because we respect yours.
Overall, I maintain it’s important to remind people that they have no ownership over any part of your body. From our hair down to our feet, no one can presume that any of it is theirs to touch and should understand that those sorts of questions are demeaning and embarrassing for us to answer. Our hair means much more to us than you think, so when you ask if you can touch our hair, please reflect on the history of our ancestors and the uncomfortable and tense situation it creates for us.
And if you are ever put in that position where someone's hand is inches from touching your fresh twist-out or that one coworker that merely gained the courage to ask you about your hairstyle as they begin to reach for your hair, just take a deep breath and say...
Don't touch my hair.
xoxo,
Kamea